Today Bryn had an appointment with her play therapist at 9:00. This meant, that following the appointment, I had to take her to school late. She seemed happy to go to the appointment. Even excited. She loves this chicken that burps in the therapists office. I spent 20 minutes in the office, then Bryn spent 40 alone with the therapist. The therapist reported a good visit and asked how school was going. I shared with her that when I asked for one word to describe Bryn's previous school day, Bryn replied, "awesome!" Those were my last words with the therapist and out the door we went. As soon as we got in the van Bryn began crying about not wanting to go to school. I managed to calm her down before we got to school. She asked me what home school was. I told her, then she said, "that's what I want to do." I explained it was her responsibility to go to school. (Only because, I have read that's what is recommended for SM kids.) She said, "I don't like my school." I tried to find out what she doesn't like, but all she could tell me was that she doesn't like specials: gym, art, Spanish she does like music. Another calm was achieved and we went in. I said I would stay for the story. At the end of the story....she had more tears. Another calm down....walked her to lunch with the caveat that I would leave as soon as she got seated. More tears....the teacher said we could just leave. That's what I chose. I had a tired 12 month old on my hip the whole time ( more stress).
The old me, may have laid on the guilt. I made a conscious decision to not show any disappointment or make her feel bad. Things I am sad to say I did in the past. As soon as she knew we were out of there, she was happy and skipping down the sidewalk. I chose at that moment to just have fun with her all day. As much as we could anyway. I enjoyed my time with her.
When my husband found out that she didn't go to school his response was that she is controlling me! More confusion. I just didn't think walking away from a crying child in the lunch room felt right. I wish I had more support and tools to help. I am still feeling inept to cope with all of this. My husband is taking her to school tomorrow. This scares me.
Before I knew he was going to take the kids to school, I started at square one as I did prior to the beginning of school. We practiced getting out of the car, and walking into school all by herself. My hope was to build confidence that she could do this. The halls were empty, after a few trial together, she took the long walk solo! .
So tonight as I prepare for bed, I am crying and praying for a good day tomorrow.